You Are Not Broken. You Are Unsupported. And Those Are Not the Same Thing.

There is a quiet kind of suffering that doesn’t show up well on paper.

It doesn’t always fit into diagnoses. It doesn’t resolve with “rest” or “positive thinking.” And it is often misunderstood—even by the people closest to us.

I want to say something clearly, especially if you’re reading this while questioning your own sanity:

You are not broken.
You are unsupported.
Those are not the same thing.

When a human nervous system is overwhelmed—by illness, grief, trauma, medication injury, or prolonged stress—it needs external regulation. This is not a character flaw. It’s biology. We are wired to stabilize through connection, safety, and being believed.

When that support is missing, symptoms escalate.

Not because you’re weak.
Not because you’re “too much.”
But because no system can self-regulate indefinitely in isolation.

Many people in distress are told some version of:
“Try harder.”
“Stop focusing on it.”
“You look fine to me.”
“Other people have it worse.”

What they’re really being told is: Your suffering makes me uncomfortable.

So the suffering goes underground. Or it spills out in ways that look “excessive” to outsiders—over-explaining, recording, documenting, trying desperately to make the invisible visible.

That behavior is often mislabeled as attention-seeking.

It’s not.

It’s witness-seeking.

When no one is consistently present, the nervous system looks for proof that reality is real. That what’s happening matters. That someone, somewhere, sees it.

Here’s what doesn’t get said often enough:
A person can deteriorate simply from being unsupported long enough.

Lack of belief.
Lack of attunement.
Lack of safe presence.

Those absences have consequences.

This is especially true for people dealing with complex medical issues, medication injury, chronic illness, or grief layered on top of an already taxed system. You can be strong, insightful, intelligent—and still unravel without support.

Strength does not replace safety.

And here’s the part I hope reaches the right person:

If you are struggling and no one believes you, that does not invalidate your experience.
If you are escalating because no one is holding steady with you, that does not mean you are failing.
If you feel “activated,” panicky, desperate, or like you’re constantly trying to explain yourself—that may be your nervous system saying, I cannot do this alone.

Some people are fortunate. They have a “bin”—a place, a person, a container where they can put the hard things without judgment or disbelief.

Not everyone has that.

If you don’t, you are not defective. You are dealing with a deficit of support, not a deficit of worth.

And sometimes the most radical thing you can do is name that truth—out loud—so others know they’re not alone either.

You are not broken.
You are unsupported.

And once you understand the difference, everything changes.